How many friends do you have?
No, I’m not talking about the number of Facebook acquaintances. I’m talking
about close personal friendships—the people that you talk with at least once
every couple of months. It could be neighbors, coworkers, church members or
lifelong friends.
Now, how many of those close
friends are solid, biblically grounded Christians? These are people in whom you
see a genuine, vibrant relationship with Jesus Christ. Of course, this criteria
likely narrows your pool of relationships. For me, this smaller list includes
friends from college and seminary as well as individuals in my church small
group.
Now, let’s drill down another
level. Of these close Christian friends, how many of these relationships go
beyond the surface level, past generic discussions about weather, sports,
mutual interests, children, etc.? These are people with whom you can share the
most personal details of your life, both good and bad. They reflect the type of
person referred to in Proverbs 18:24 when it says, “there is a friend who
sticks closer than a brother.” They encourage you when you’re down and
challenge you in your walk with the Lord.
Taking it a step further, are
there people not just whom you can
talk with but whom you actually do
talk with about these things? You don’t just have them on speed dial in the
event of an emergency, but you are regularly walking in close community with
them.
I’ll admit that in my busyness,
I’ve neglected this deepest level in recent years. Yes, I have good friends in
our church small group, and I know most of them would be willing to help at a
moment’s notice. But other than a few prayer requests here and there, I haven’t
intentionally shared my life with them. I say hello and make small talk on
Sundays, but I haven’t personally invested the time and energy into sharing my
personal struggles and getting to know theirs as well.
Two scenarios have reawakened
me to our desperate need as Christians for a few close godly friends.
The first is a husband and wife
I know who have faced difficulties in their marriage and recently filed for
divorce. This came as a shock to friends and family because they never saw it
coming. When asked if they had any close Christian friends with whom they’d shared
their struggles or who could walk through this with them, offering counsel from
God’s Word and praying with them, this couple said “no.”
Now these are not fringe church
attenders. They are active volunteers in their church and teachers in the
children’s ministry. But they have never developed close personal friendships
with strong believers in whom they could have shared their marital struggles
and received godly counsel and encouragement.
The second is a friend who
battles with bouts of anxiety and depression. He is a strong Christian and a
leader in his church. For a time, he kept his struggles to himself because he
was embarrassed and did not want others to think he was “crazy.” Eventually,
though, he shared this struggle with a few close friends who were able to
listen, pray and encourage. He admits that sharing his weaknesses was difficult
but freeing. Now he’s on the road to recovery with friends by his side.
I fear that too often in
churches the first scenario is more likely than the second. Scores of church members
are hurting but have isolated themselves from other believers. Facing financial
crises, troubled relationships, spiritual dryness, etc., they slap on a happy
face and attempt to fight these issues alone.
Maybe that somebody is you.
The writer of Ecclesiastes said
it well: “But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift
him up” (Eccl. 4:10).
We were not meant to walk
through life alone. Even in the Garden of Eden, before the Fall, God said it
wasn’t good for man to be alone. Yes, this has implications for marriage, but
it also demonstrates how we are created for community. Throughout the Bible,
God gathers his people in community.
If you’re like me, God has
already surrounded you with at least a few close personal friends with whom you
could dive deeper. Give them a call this week, invite them for dinner or
coffee, and open up about your life. You may just find a friend closer than a
brother.
