Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Life's Ponderings



Life sometimes races at warp speed these days. I'm taking a Christian Ethics class, and it's really more philosophy than anything else. We're reading Aristotle, Aquinas, Kierkegaard, etc. The class is quite boring at times...if my mind wanders for a minute, I'm lost for about 20 minutes. Anyhow, I guess it's got me into a reflective mindset lately.

I've been wrestling lately with the complete inadequacy of me. I know that may sound hard to believe, but it's really been pounding me lately. I feel like God may be calling us to plant a church, but I look at the qualities and disciplines often associated with successful church planting, and I come up bankrupt. I don't have an entrepreneurial mindset like most church planters...ambitious go-getters who love to start things from scratch. My personal evangelism is non-existent...an important need if you're starting a church in an unchurched area. I really struggle with consistent times of prayer and bible study...essential in staying fresh and focused on the mission field.

I'm 0 for 3 on the Big 3. It makes me question if God's really calling us to church planting at times. It seems like all I'm hanging onto at times is the notion that God's calling us to do it. Wait a minute! Isn't that the trump card? If I truly feel God has called us to this endeavor, then I must trust that he will equip us to be successful.

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.
2 Peter 1:3

Sometimes I feel like the "chief among sinners", but I was recently encouraged by the reason Paul gave for God's mercy in his life through Jesus Christ. Paul said it was so Christ could display his "unlimited patience" (1 Timothy 1:12-17). I need that!

Jesus, I'm walking in Your grace and unlimited patience. Forgive me for ignoring you and being disobedient in my testimony of you to others. I have not arrived yet, and I can't change myself. Holy Spirit, please change me. I submit to You. Grant me discipline to talk with you and meditate on your word daily. Give me boldness and a desire to invite others to embrace You as their King.


"Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me away from Your presence
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
And sustain me with a willing spirit.
Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners will be converted to You."

Psalm 51:10-13


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